Nothing else matters

inga makarskaThis month I’ve been dealing with a bit of planning. Yes, I know, I am always planning something. This time it’s serious :). Soon, I have to get back to work, my maternity leave is coming to an end and I have to make arrangements, figure stuff out and basically anticipate and prepare for every imaginable scenario. In my world I don’t like leaving anything to chance. So, while trying to fix every problem that might arise (in advance) and struggling with the thought of how to keep being a good Mum while still having a career, I manged to get sick. Yes, on top of it all.

It all started with a sore throat, that escalated into every fiber of my body hurting and me being freezing cold while covered with every conceivable blanket. I couldn’t get warm, my body was shacking. The thought of getting out of bed seemed an impossible endeavor, while lying down only made me feel sicker. I had to admit defeat, it was time to rest, let others take care of me – I have an awesome Mum, and get better. It was also quite a wake up call, a reality check.  Because the one thing I could always count on – my body, (which I also took for granted), was not functioning. Thankfully, I wasn’t even that sick – I just got one of Stela’s viruses that left me incapacitated for a few days.

It also made me see that truly nothing else matters when you’re not healthy. It hurts to realize how vulnerable we are. For the first time in a long while I went to sleep without planning, without thinking past that particular moment and I kept telling myself: “See how useless your plans really are. You have to let go and let thinks fix themselves up.”Being ill gave me a new perspective – there just so much out there I can’t anticipate and so many things bigger than me. I definitely have to have a little faith.

Though being sick sucks, I hope the lesson I got served sticks for a long while.

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