While it seems my kids know how to press special buttons that make me lose it, I have discovered a few other things and people that drive the Mom in me crazy. I am not saying that nothing bothered me before, no, just that motherhood increased the number of those hot topics, made me less patient and understanding due to being tired and overwhelmed. It’s also a lot harder to breath through it and think happy thoughts. And I know that some of the stuff that sets me off is actually just stupid and perhaps only annoying, while other things make me want to contact police and throw people in jail. It’s apparent that when I became a Mom, I changed and things I didn’t even acknowledge before are now on the top of my bothers me most list.
Things I have no control over.
Yes, there are special events and circumstances that piss me off completely, yet there is actually nothing I can do about it. Perhaps that’s also part of the problem, feeling completely helpless, that the the full moon makes kids edgy or that they pick every possible germ, bacteria and virus. Or the rain that forced me to buy all the waterproof gear there is, so we can be outside no matter what. We and a few lonely dog walkers. My usual reaction to a rainy afternoon used to be, reading a book on the couch in the company of my favorite Mr. Grey, Earl, now I am chasing puddles.
People I want to punch in the face
We spend a whole lot of our time outside, because that’s the best, letting kids play and run around. But being out, makes you face other people and then you run the risk of them making you insane. Like when complete strangers comment on my lack of parenting skills. Look there, I don’t really care if you’ve raised Mother Theresa or written a book on Montessori, you cannot come up to me in the middle of the park, when I am talking to my daughter and offer tips. Or roll your eyes. Or say how different kids were back when. Or inappropriately ask my kid to go with you. Being a parent is tough as it is, no matter what your intentions are, you are making it worse and I want to kick you in the shins.
But of course nobody would put these people to jail. I could probably make a case for all those crazy drivers who never stop at the zebra crossings because they think: A) we are in a hurry, B) we are too important because we are in a car, C)we don’t even notice you or D) our car cannot make a stop before it reaches its final destination. Every time I get to the crossing, I have to stand there, like I don’t have anything better to do, but to hold one kid in my arms and struggle to keep the other one’s hand so she doesn’t run off. Yet, all I can do is give murderous looks to each and every driver who just passes us by without even a thought. But you know what, I don’t want to put these people to jail, that would be too good for them. I’d put them in my situation for hours on end see how well they can pull it off.
And then there are folks who, well aren’t doing anything wrong really, they just aren’t familiar with the kids’ schedule. Because listen up, anyone doing anything at noon or after eight in the evening, is on my list waiting for a punch. Yes, this one might seem unreasonable for all the non-parents. But look, putting my kids to sleep is an endeavor, even at the best of times, so when they are finally zzzzzzzzz-ing, I am ready to throw cartwheels, yet I am quietly sitting in the living room and reading as not to wake them up. Though time and again I have discovered that the noise doesn’t actually bother them, because they have slept through construction work, thunders and loud music. But it bothers me, knowing there is a prospect that they might wake up, so plan your activities accordingly. And for no reason whatsoever ring our bell after eight in the evening.
Things you’d barely notice.
It’s evident that parenting makes you weird and it shows by the way you dress, what you talk about and the things you notice, like hand dryers in public restrooms. Absolutely nothing wrong with them. So, it’s weird I’d mention it. But I didn’t promise all of it would make sense, I just claimed these things make me scream in frustration and yet I have to keep it together. My youngest is afraid of the noise these machines produce – the jumbo jet taking off right next to you and she is yet to use the restrooms that have them.
And I could go on and mention restaurants that have no seats for kids, or dog poop on the grass where my kids are playing, or events that start at eleven, when my kids have to go back home for their afternoon nap, or…
I’ll just stop and go work on my breathing and setting up a good example for my kids. Yeah, right.