I am not an expert on husbands. But I have one, for almost a decade now. So, I am speaking out of years of experience. When we first got married we were so in love, nothing he did ever bothered me, I mean there probably wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. I bet it’s safe to say, that he thought of me in the same way, like I walked on water. But even then I remember envying all the couples who were together for years, knew each other inside and out and still had a loving relationship.
I found myself wondering would we make it when the crazy part of the love wore off a little bit. What faults of his would I find and what could he possibly do, that I wouldn’t like. Well, after a few years, two pregnancies and two tots, I know really well, what drives me positively insane. But I also realized the same must have happened to him. I think that after so many perfectly normal, yet highly unflattering moments, I have managed to lose some of my charm, gain a few extra pounds and along the way develop some annoying habits. I know exactly which ones drive him crazy, though I truly don’t do them on purpose. It’s just that I can’t help myself. Let me explain and you see if this sounds familiar:
- »I am not eating tonight… I’ll just have a bite of whatever you are making.« Honestly, I never intend to eat dinners, I just shouldn’t, if I want to keep fitting into all of my clothes. And I could pull it off, if he didn’t go about making the best sandwiches in the world. And yes, eating it right next to me on the couch doesn’t help matters. Come to think of it, he’s actually making me do it. Sure, I admit, I should just tell him to make me one in the first place, when he’s already offering, but I just keep believing I’ll have a better resolve this time around. Then I end up eating half of his food and endure his murderous looks.
- Asking questions when he’s watching… Star Wars, Star Trek,… I have never even heard of this stuff before we started dating, so of course I had many questions. And in the beginning he was really patient about explaining, who Seven of Nine is or why they are in the space to begin with, what happened to Darth Vader, and on and on. I think he expected to make a true soul mate out of me. It turned out I have a hard time grasping half of it, so over the years, his patience has worn thin, now he just wants to watch it in peace, while my curiosity has stayed the same. I want to know what he is watching and sitting quietly next to him, well, I can’t do that.
- Falling asleep on the couch. Now, I don’t think this would necessarily bother him, if it didn’t happen almost every night, after I’ve eaten half of his food and asked him irritating questions to then only fall asleep on what is supposed to be our only alone time.
- Wearing plain cotton underwear, black sweats, flats, you name it. I know he’d want me to wear sexy lingerie, high heels and tight clothes, I just can’t picture myself running after kids in that, or playing in the sand or trying to catch a bus… Yes, I know I did take better care of myself, but that was before, when I wasn’t tired, didn’t have the post-baby belly, that doesn’t want to leave on its own and when I had an hour just to apply makeup. Now I only need to be comfortable, somewhere, somehow.
- I claim I don’t need presents. My husband got me some of the greatest presents ever, but over the years, I have made him believe that I don’t need presents. I didn’t want to be that nagging wife, who sticks to every possible anniversary. It’s a hassle, we’ve been together too long for it and besides we now have so many events, we’d go broke if commemorated each one with a gift. And by the way he is impossible to buy presents for. Still every time he comes home without a gift, I pretend, not well, let me add, that I am not disappointed that he’ll take that suggestion but not the one on putting his dirty clothes in a basket.
- Asking if I look good. The cliché, I know. But I have to mention it, because he has hated answering this question ever since he realized I only wanted the answer yes, to it. I think I have sincerely disappointed him once he learned that honesty with me is definitely not the best policy. But he still can’t pull it off. That’s why I never ever ask if my butt looks big in anything. That’s just asking for trouble.
I could probably name a few more. But despite all our quirks, we are still together and still feel deeply about each other. And that’s what really counts. And I guess that’s what I was wishing for, thinking about, when I promised to be with him through the good and the bad.
One thought on “What drives husbands crazy (and not in a good way)”
Your own sandwich (or ice cream, pizza or any other food for that matter) never tastes nearly half as good as anything you are able to get from his plate. I can say this with certainty after years of meticulous research 🙂 So why bother?