well this is a bit weird. But called for. So, focus. If I am taking my time to write this down, pay attention, as there are so many other things I could be doing right now.
You are 32, not 25 as you might believe. When did that happen? Well, in 32 years. It’s called time and it doesn’t move with the speed of light nor does it just fly by. Nothing has changed, something to do with math or physics, either way we were never good at it. The day still has 24 hours, as it did when you were a kid, thinking you will never turn 18. And here you are becoming your Mother, an adult. You’ve vowed you’d never be one. Never be tied down with the strings of the daily routine. How different you thought your life would turn out. But you are happy. That is what counts.
You are not as great nor as bad as you think. You do have moments when you shine and have every right to expect the Ode of Joy to be playing in the background. But life is not a movie or a book you can just flip through, do the good parts or check the ending – as you are used to doing. You have to go through it all, even the subtext. But it will be worth it. As they say: “If you want to see the sunshine you have to weather the storm.”
The body you have is the only one you’ll get. Deal with it. Yes, it shows signs of carrying two babies, but it’s nothing a few classes of pilates can’t fix. Face it, you will never be a model, even if you stop eating right now. Please, don’t. And don’t give up chocolates, you are not cut out for the “my body is a temple” stuff. 32 years have gone by, you don’t know how many you have left, so enjoy the little things without the guilt :).
You are a Mother, but not a slave. Making them happy, makes you happy, sure. But sometimes your happiness is in your hand only. It is not wrong to be a bit selfish every now and then and take what you need. You time, with what makes just you excited. Then it will be so much easier to make everyone around you smile. Don’t lose yourself, because when they leave you’ll be left with nothing. You should know by now, we all have our paths in life, your paths might now be joined, but when the time comes you must let them lead their own way, even if it’s away from you.
You’ve got a great hubby. You were really lucky out there. He might not be Mr. Darcy. But truly how long could you put up with the likes of him. Hubbs is awesome. Yes, of course he has flaws, trust me, dear, so do you. Don’t let him get away with it though, but every now and again forget about who’s turn it is to do the dishes, take out trash etc. Remember, there was a time, when those stuff didn’t even cross your mind.
Finally, you are a good person, with a great family and friends. You are creative and fun, but your mind works too much. Not everything can be planned. Things are not always as bad or good as your mind portrays. I know you will still try to have a schedule for the next five years and that’s ok. Keep in mind though, that things will get out of hand. Don’t spend your time trying to solve all the problems, sometimes you have to believe that they have a way of fixing themselves out. At least some of them.
P.S. Please no New Year’s resolutions. We’ve got too much on our plate as it is. Unless it’s not to worry 🙂