The awards season has started. My fellow movie fans know what I am talking about, though I have to admit I used to be far better at watching all the nominated films. Since realizing I will never win one myself, I’ve stopped religiously following the coveted Academy Awards. I’ve had the speech ready for years, but no chance to give it. Don’t worry I won’t start now. But due to no Oscar for me, I’ve thought of my very own Mom Academy Awards. If my life was a movie and trust me most of the time it feels like a horror one, who’d be going home as a winner? Could I possible win a category?
Directing: goes to me. Yay! And why? Because I like to believe I run the show. On most days our routine makes us function as a well-oiled machine, with everyone knowing exactly what they have to do. Then there are moments when it’s all falling apart. It’s like a ship without a Captain.
Cinematography: I could totally make you all believe we are a picture perfect family, because we have heaps of perfect images. But to let you in on a secret, if we manage even five minutes of peace, I count it as a life time achievement or kids having serious fever.
Foreign Film: half of the time I am convinced I star in such a film, because my kids never get anything I am trying to tell them. I repeat it and still get no reaction. I either speak Spanish/Danish or Chinese or my kids are deaf.
Documentary: me reading books on how to raise my little hellions and trying to find some advice that would actually work, only to realize that book has not yet been written.
Music: at this point silence is the music to my ears.
Writing: I do write a lot and in my opinion I am really good at it, but I have to admit that my kids conceive most of our daily scenes – like throwing tantrums.
Sound editing and sound mixing: I share this award with my two girls, because I really wouldn’t even be in the running, if it wasn’t for them. But I bet they wouldn’t have to push themselves as hard if it wasn’t for me. Over the short period we have perfected an astounding range of sounds we can cover.
Makeup/hairstyling, costume design: while I get to pick my clothes and do my makeup in a few minutes I have in the morning, which is hardly enough to brush my hair, how I’ll end up looking every day depends on my two very competent stylists. They always know how to add that extra touch to anything I decide to wear. Sometimes it’s a finger print of milk, tiny spots of chocolate on a white shirt or snot on my black pants. They are very much into being real, so when I look as if I hadn’t slept for two nights in the row, it’s because I haven’t.
Visual effect: my daughters would probably really like to thank me and my hubs for winning this category, as we provide the perfect environment for their creative potential. Their room is something from the scene of The Day after Tomorrow, though for most of their stuff there will be none.
Animated feature film: when I think of my life with kids, it’s easier to think of it in terms of cartoons, where I could be a hero with super powers. My prince could sly all the dragons and big bad wolves. And my girls could conquer the world.
Short Film: my life before the kids.
Finally Best Picture: goes to my whole family, for another terrific year together. While we are not the greatest, we somehow make it work. From almost science fiction to downright comedy every minute of our life together is an adventure.